There is no worse pain than when a relationship goes sour. The feelings of affection, that were once such a positive and motivating force, turn to feelings of despair and disappointment. Or perhaps worse are the feelings of unrequited love, where one will find oneself in love with someone who does not or cannot love you back. Often, when those kind of feelings become negative, the venom is pushing inside oneself, resulting in self loathing and the desire to cause oneself harm, though hopefully not in any permanent way. The pain endured by the human heart is truly unique, as it will consume every waking moment of ones consciousness, dominating all else and debilitating the individual to the point where they are good for nothing more than wallowing in self pity.
There is also, of course, the immense sense of personal failure. Often relationships are born when we invest ourselves in people. We pour the best of ourselves out for others, believing that they too will be there to pour themselves out for us in return, only to discover that they have betrayed us, or that they never truly appreciated what that personal investment has meant to us. To suffer that kind of failure takes true character, to understand that our failure does not define who we are as people.
It is a comfort to think that even Jesus, our divine saviour, knew the pain of this kind of personal failure. I think when we read the account of Judas' betrayal, like so many other times, we miss the effect of Jesus' humanity in the midst of God's plan of redemption. Even though it was written, even though at some point Jesus became aware of what was to happen to Him and who would be involved, we must appreciate the pain He must have felt to know that this man Judas, His disciple, His companion, His friend, had decided to do the unthinkable and sell Him out. Try and imagine how you would feel if confronted with this kind of personal betrayal? What would your response be, because I'm sure it probably wouldn't be the same as Jesus'. Jesus' response is gracious, loving and above all it is to understand that this man's betrayal has no bearing upon Who He is. There is no internalisation, no words of condemnation, no accusation, simply an acceptance of the events unfolding and a maintenance of His divine identity. He carries on, through the pain of the cross, maintaining His dignity, because dignity is not something you can be stripped of, only something you can give up. When our hearts are broken we can choose to keep our dignity, keep our divine identity and suffer in the way that Jesus suffered, knowing that through this pain and horror will come salvation for the world. This is the true test of our faith! Can we continue without compromising, not our Christianity, but the Christ in me. Can we continue to project the love of God, even to those who break our hearts and our bodies? This is what displays true love, true grace, like David Wilkerson once famously said to Nicky Cruz, ' you can cut me into a hundred pieces Nicky and every part will still love you'.
As we move into this new year, let us come to a place of seeing that we live not for our own sake, but to glorify the God of agape, the God of true and majestic love. When we are confronted by heart break and betrayal, let us believe that we too, like our saviour, have the divine identity, which gives us the power to choose, not to allow the temporary feelings of emotional pain to dictate how we respond, but to radiate that same love that Jesus did, as he shed His own blood for our sins, because he so loved us. Let us shine like lights in the night sky, to bring hope to the world.
